Have you eaten yet?

I recently learned that my grandmother (mom's mom if that matters...) is going to be moving into a senior care home. As I think back on my childhood memories with her, there's always one thing that comes to mind.

"Have you eaten yet?"

I've always heard this question growing up, well, that's the direct translation at least. Whenever my mom was speaking to Grandma on the phone, she handed me the phone so my Grandma could say hello. That question was always the first thing she asked me. I was always really confused and taken aback by this question. No matter the time of day, I could always count on her asking me that question whenever we spoke on the phone.

I never really understood the purpose of this question, and it seemed really random to me. I always chirped a quick 'yes' or 'no' and handed the phone back after an awkward pause and farewell.

But as I've grown older and gained perspective about the culture, this question isn't really about whether I've eaten or about satisfying her curiosity about what I had for lunch or dinner. It was her version of "how are you" and saying hello. From my experience, Chinese people aren't as outwardly expressive as people in the Western world that I grew up in.

It also comes from a place of historic hunger. She and her family grew up living off the land, and that also meant going to bed hungry at times. I've thankfully never had to deal with food insecurity, and being hungry was a consequence of pickiness. And that is, in part, thanks to her for upending her whole life and moving to a place with better circumstances for the current and future generations.

I suppose this is more of an appreciation post. I love my Grandma, and more recently, I've gotten closer. We speak more (while not regularly), I'll go back home and seek out more than a hello. I've been more actively engaging in conversations and joking around more. Getting perspective is really important, and I gained a ton just by being with her. And sometimes that's all it takes to be a better listener.

So I guess next time I see her, I'll ask, "Have you eaten yet?"