Where do you want to go?

I had a dream a few nights back, and I don't recall who, but someone asked me where I wanted to go. Not like a "where do you want to go for lunch" question, but more like a "what are your desires" kind of question. Where do you want to travel to? Where do you want to end up? Where do you want to explore?

I'm a very indecisive person. So much so that I used to get analysis paralysis just deciding on what to eat for lunch. I remember when I moved out to live by myself, I had just gotten back from class and was starving. It took me two hours to look for a place to eat. I was mostly torn between trying something new or getting the best value, only to end up just running downstairs and grabbing Chipotle.

But in this dream, my own imagination, I couldn't even conjure the name of a place. I haven't earnestly thought of the future, because I don't see myself sincerely having one. A few times, I've imagined myself running away from everything, a real, sincere Irish goodbye. Just disappearing off to who knows where. For a while, it was Vancouver. But now I don't really know. Part of me still says Vancouver, but I don't really know anymore. In some ways, quietly disappearing is more appealing than all of that.

I also seldom take things literally. "Where do you want to go?" isn't so much a cool destination spot for me- it's more about where I want to go for some perspective. It's an opportunity for me to go somewhere that can make me feel something. And I think that's my big problem. I feel like I can't be wowed anymore, and that's partially on me. Because I am so Type-A and control freak, I research and romanticise so much. When I look into these places, I get excited and hype myself up and these locations themselves to the point that I am infatuated by the idea of vacation so much and less about the vacation itself. Eventually, I get underwhelmed and disappointed. It's textbook Paris Syndrome. 

I write this as I stare blankly, not really knowing where I want to go next... but my list includes Iceland, Portland (ME)/Acadia National Park, or small weekend trips to DC or New Orleans.


Location: Staten Island, NY, USA

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